The God of Bad Ideas
Throughout the Bible, God regularly works in very unexpected ways to the point where those in the accounts are often wondering and questioning what God is doing. Yet God gives insight to His people to discern His purposes that are grander than they/we could ever imagine and always in line with His nature.
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD is a general diagnosis which covers many tendencies or behaviors within a person. Autism doesn’t have a clear or single cause and it manifests differently for each person, ranging from mild to severe. Studies have also indicated that some children grow to lose their diagnosis later in life, although the percentages vary. Because autism is so different from person to person, it’s incredibly beneficial to rid ourselves of a preconceived idea of what a person with ASD is or will be like.
Postpartum Depression
Despite roughly 1 in 5 mothers experiencing postpartum depression, it is often difficult to admit for many. Mothers having their 3rd or 4th child can still experience it, even if they didn’t after their previous children. There are many feelings mothers often feel they “should” be experiencing and depression, anger, worthlessness are not on their list. So many factors outside of the mother’s control contribute to these feels and it’s difficult to ask for help. Don’t wait to be asked if you could help a mother. Ask if you could hold their child so they can have 15 minutes to themselves or ask if you could wash the dishes or clean the house for them.
Flexibility: A Tool for Including
Flexibility is a great tool when it comes to including. Many activities and programs are created for persons without any diagnosis, often unintentionally. Whether it’s games, performances, or how we greet each other, many of these activities can be incredibly discomforting or even physically impossible for those of us with special needs. It’s not expected for you to anticipate everyone’s needs, but if you are aware of a diagnosis or difference, try to learn more of how we might be included. It is appropriate and often welcomed to ask, “Would you be comfortable…” or “Would you like…?” and offer some alternatives for us. This can help us feel valued and cared for.
Schedules: A Tool for Including
Schedules and routines are powerful tools in providing peace of mind to people. For those of us who may normally experience anxiety when entering into a new space, such as visiting a church or new ministry area, knowing what to expect can reduce any triggers drastically. Having an order of service can help manage stress since I can comfortably see what’s going to happen next. Or having on your website, “what to expect” is also very helpful. This is not to say that there can’t be last minute changes or flexibility. Rather if you are able, give prior notice to late changes that are happening in an effort to ease anxiety in others.
“Anxiety Feels Like…”
“What’s diagnosed anxiety like? For me, my heart begins to pound, I feel overwhelmed, my hands shake, and if I don’t do anything to stop the anxiety, or if the situation is too much, these symptoms escalate until I am overwhelmed with the feeling like something really bad is about to happen, even if it isn’t rational, like someone hurting me. I think the 2 most important things to remember for others are: first, people can look perfectly fine from the outside during an anxiety attack, but inside they could be crippled by fear. Second, anxiety symptoms differ from person to person: hyperventilating, chest pains, stomach aches, anger, and it is sometimes even misdiagnosed as depression and in young children ADD.”
Patronizing Voice
“You know that higher pitched voice people often use when talking to a 4 year old? People will use that same voice when speaking to me, even though I’m an adult. It makes me feel patronized almost like they are putting themselves above me. For some reason, there is this assumption if I have a special need, then I also have the intelligence of a child. This can even be true for those of us with a physical disability. And while some neurological diagnoses can hamper verbal processing, this is hardly true for the vast majority. I wish people would talk with me as they would any other adult.”
Hearing Impairments
While being deaf or having a hearing impairment is a diagnosis most of us know of, there are still aspects most of us aren’t aware of. A hearing impairment isn’t as simple as not being able to hear. You may still be able to hear, though at different levels. The sound of a train thundering by could sound more like a whisper. In addition, having a hearing aid doesn’t mean the person has complete hearing restored and it’s not a matter of simply turning them up. Areas with a lot of noise, such as a restaurant or cafeteria can be overwhelming to some individuals and conversations can sound simply like indiscernible noises.
Sensory Processing Disorder
Sensory Processing Disorder is when one or more of a person’s senses is either heightened (more sensitive) or dulled (muffled). While a light touch on the hand may feel painful to some, it may not be noticeable at all to others. Smells could seem unbearable or unnoticeable. What many of us would consider a busy and loud room, a person with SPD could experience as painful, unrecognizable, or thundering and he or she could desire to leave the area. What’s truly important is to realize that everyone senses the world differently and to varying degrees. Consider the sensory input in your present environment and the responses of people around you. What might you do to help those with SPD feel more comfortable?
Giftings
When we only view someone through the lens of what they need and not how they also can contribute, everyone misses out. We miss out on receiving and others miss out on giving. We are often inclined to first wonder, “what will our group, congregation, or ministry be able to offer others?” While this is beautifully intentioned, we can in our effort to help, deny others the gift of helping us. What if our minds just as quickly asked, “how might they want to contribute to our community?”
Maybe it’s the way this person wholly accepts their peers, how they have an eye for detail, how reliable they are in their responsibilities, their ability to help us to relax, or their creative ideas during brainstorming. While it may be tempting to single out their giftings which relate to their diagnosis, perhaps how they bless us is completely unrelated.
One of the most loving actions we can offer to our brothers and sisters in the special needs community, to anyone really, is the gift of allowing them to use their giftings.
The Hidden Sense
Did you know you have more than your 5 senses? It’s true! One of them is called interoception. It allows you to sense what’s going on inside you, such as hunger, fatigue, and the need to go to the bathroom.
Some people have a heightened awareness of this sense, while others sense of interoception is can be dulled. In life, this could look like a person feeling an extreme need to eat only a few hours after a meal or not feeling hungry until their body feels weak from not eating. It could also be whenever the person needs to go to the bathroom, it feels like an emergency or they don’t feel the need until they nearly have an accident. How would life change for you if you didn’t have an accurate reading of how you feel inside? Would you feel misunderstood?
The Why Behind the Action
When a baby is crying, we never assume the baby is bad. We wonder if they are hungry, tried, gassy, or simply want to be held. Our response soon is forgotten as the child grows, but the reality is all of us react and “make a fuss” due to indirect causes. We may snap at a person and in truth we probably wouldn’t have if we had gotten a full night’s rest.
Before judging or reacting to behavior you find incorrect, always try to see what the “why” is behind the behavior. Could it be the person is tired, vulnerable, hungry? Could a past trauma be driving their current behavior? Could their history or how their mind and body works be different from yours?
Apologies
For all parents, there are times when we want to apologize for our child’s behavior. For parents with children who have a special need, apologizing is a tricky subject. While apologizing may be warranted due to harmful or disrespectful behavior, having a parent or child apologize for their child’s special needs can communicate that their physical or neurological uniqueness is a bad thing and is an intrinsic burden to others. This can damage the child’s self-worth. Before seeking an apology from a family for the child’s behavior, ask yourself, “Is the behavior directly tied to the child’s neurological needs or physical ability?” If so, how can we enter these conversations with abundant grace?
Eloping
To many, elopement doesn’t mean running away and getting married. It’s a term for when a person wanders or runs away from an area due to fear, overstimulation (such as too much noise or activity in the area), or curiosity. In cases with fear or overstimulation, it is often perceived as the best course of action to get to a safe place.
Even if a person is in a safe area, he or she may elope when they perceive it isn’t. Anytime a child elopes, it is very scary for the parent or care provider. What ways can our church be perceived as safe? What scenarios could be anxiety-inducing for a new person or person with special needs?
A Place for All to Thrive
There is a parable that goes if you were to go to a monkey, bird, dog, and a fish and tell them to climb a tree, it is obvious which of them would do well and which would struggle. Now imagine if you told them that they all had to live in the tree together and be a healthy community. The environment that is the tree is hardly conducive to the wellbeing and the strengths of the dog and fish.
Those of us with special needs have different physical and neurological make-ups with our own gifts for our community and the Kingdom. Unfortunately, these gifts are not always seen since we are often asked to climb a tree, when we are much better at swimming. How can we make our “tree” a place where all can thrive?
Through My Eyes with ADD
“Walking through a forest, you may see the forest, but I see every leaf, its shade, every root, whether it will likely trip me, and every rock. My brain takes it all in.
I am often taken for being distracted or not paying attention. In reality, I am. I am watching TV, playing on my phone, and eating dinner while having a conversation with you, but that does not mean that I am not listening or paying attention. Most likely I am paying attention and probably actively participating in the conversation. However, if you want a specific answer, I need to know you are talking to me, especially in a group or in a space with a lot of noise. It takes massive amounts of concentration for me block everything out, like catching a specific snowflake while standing in a blizzard.”
Ableism: Discreet and Harmful
Ableism is the belief that a person’s value is directly connected to what they can presumably contribute to the community. Unfortunately, it is heavily and subtly entrenched in our culture and even in our churches. For example, ableism can be as discreet as only offering serving opportunities to the fully able-bodied. In this way, ableism is a lack of accommodation and imagination. What areas do we lack accessibility? That’s where we have allowed ableism to discriminate. At College Wes, we are seeking to eliminate these obstacles and instances of ableism so that all might find meaningful contribution within the community of Christ.
Having Depression
“What I want you to know about depression is that it not only weighs down on me, but it also makes it difficult for me to get back up, to do things that would help. Depression can come from many different sources I don’t have control over, such as the time of year, trauma, or chemical imbalances. Dealing with depression and overcoming it isn’t as easy as “thinking about happy things” or “stop focusing on the negative.” I’ve tried that and am “white knuckling it” daily. I feel most loved by people who learn more and are there for me, even when they aren’t seeing the cheerful me.”
I’m not being Rude, I’m Self-Regulating
“Because our culture does not often keep in mind how my mind and body work, I use self-regulation. Self-regulation can mean a lot of different things to each person. It could mean I have to walk around during a meeting or doodle while you are talking to be engaged with the conversation. Walking around can be distracting and doodling can seem like I’m not paying attention, but I actually AM engaged and listening. For those of us with anxiety, twisting our hair in our fingers could mean the difference between joining in the conversation or needing to step out of the room. Whether it’s not making eye contact or walking around during a meeting, don’t see it as being rude. I’m simply self-regulating so I can BE and WORK with you.”
“Invisible” Disabilities
“My ‘invisible’ disability often creates challenges with how people perceive me. Some examples of ‘invisible’ disabilities are: autism, anxiety, dyslexia, and depression. While I am trying to engage with an environment not designed for the way my brain works, people frequently assume I am either being rude, am poorly raised, or have a bad attitude because they are unaware of unique neurology. In reality, I’m trying to be a positive part of this community. It’s taken years of being aware of my body to know how I can self-regulate in social situations to not be perceived as strange or rude. I appreciate when others at church aren’t phased, offended or vocal if I fidget more than others or am hesitant to pray aloud or make eye contact. I am loved well by my community when others don’t wait for me to earn it by acting exactly like they do.”